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Cruising on rented scooters near the Malaysian border, on a remote, isolated road cut into the side of a mountain, frequented by monkeys and wild elephants, about 2000 feet above sea level. We spotted a cracked, peeling, decrepit old sign hanging sideways from a tree that read something like "Such and Such Beach Resort", 12 kilometers, and the deeply rutted ancient dirt road lead straight down the steep hillside. We were bored and decided to have a look. The road got worse and worse as we descended at a speed of about 5mph or less (walking speed is 3mph). We bumped and skidded all the way to the bottom, abusing the heck out of the poor scooters, not knowing how we would ever get back up to the pavement. At the bottom was the most picturesque resort type place -- mostly just lean-to's and hammocks arranged like an amphitheater on a slight incline from a gorgeous clean sandy beach, at the bight of a shallow cove. There was a bamboo hut in the center that purported to sell drinks. We parked and sat on the stools and waited. Someone came along about after about twenty minutes; we ordered two beers. No ice -- miles and countless miles from electricity, and sure as Hell no nasty, smoking generator to pollute this absolute slice of heaven. We sat back and watched the sun fall toward the horizon across the ocean, and realized that this was the place we had been searching for all our lives. This was THE spot on earth. This was the spot of everyone's dreams. Everyone. We were the only customers of course -- a little bit of a Twilight Zone atmosphere because we knew they got no more than about five customers per month. The road/trail revealed that. We talked to the owner in broken English and felt sorry for him a little, due to the lack of business. At one point we informed him that we could help him pretty significantly by posting an ad for this place on our various websites, some of which were quite high traffic. He instantly bristled and quickly said no, no, no, please don't do that. This is what we wanted, he said. Please don't tell anyone. We immediately "got it" and promised to never tell a soul how to find the place, and we never did. Paradise preserved.

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Don't worry. There's a little bell at the front desk. They usually wake up after awhile

Serious air, eh Michael Jordan?

Some poses just don't work. There's nothing you can do to save it. Gracefully move on

And then the tide came in. And then there were six. And then there were five. And then there were three, and the sharks were delighted

In the US, how would this go down? Before you made it three blocks the 911 switchboards would be lit up with calls from frantic, screaming, never-had-a-life yuppies. The SWAT team would immediately be deployed. Tire-killer strips would be set out and three snipers would simultaneously blow out this guy's heart in order to "protect him". From something. So, so, SO effing glad I don't have to live there.

The windage had to be incredible.

This image was, like every image on this website, rejected by all the stock agencies it was submitted to, because it displayed a "trademarked logo" in the background. Uh, no, no, it's not. But there is no appeal (kind of like Farcebook) and even less common sense (kind of like Farcebook). Go Millennials! And what the heck is that woman doing, anyway?

Headwind

Oh the shame, the humility. Of what? Never figured this image out.

Dogs and scooters go together like cats and....and....little cloth mice with catnip sewn into its guts.

The speeds tend to be pretty low in SE Asia, which is why these riders can hang onto all this stuff

Its a street-cleaning crew -- thousand and thousands of them cover the cities, like worker ants. In the US they'd be robbed for their brooms and shot dead either by the robbers, or by mistaken police who thought the brooms were weapons

Hard to keep track of babies when weaving down the streets at 35mph in heavy traffic

Deadly poisonous. They kill pets all over SE Asia. Beautiful things are usually like that. Ask my girlfriend.

More money sitting down there than I make in....in....like a WEEK.

Sometimes it's fun to just obnoxiously bomb the colors and get transfered in to a Loony Tunes Cartoon. Like coloring outside the lines on purpose in a coloring book -- sometimes the Devil makes you do stuff